Enter: Satisfaction, Stage Left.
Ya Habibi! Mouth Joy in Major! Fresh, salady, hommous-garlicked insides with spiked sumac onion and rich, lebanese crazy chili sauce, flickers of deep grilled chicken/lamb/beef all in perfectly crispy bread - and No excess grease! Most kebabs are too oily to be enjoyable, but this is a bang on balance of dryness to creaminess to oiliness to breadiness. God. The sharpness of the salad doesn't win out over the heaviness of the meat, it just sways with it. So good. If Kebabs are about proportion (and they are), then this is a bit of a Sophia Loren. Perfect. It hurts to remember it. Going overseas is now immediately associated with a Sahara drop in. When Dan and I booked the tickets, I actually said in my head: oooh, kebab time. But there is a problem with choosing this as a subject.
You know, kebabs are a little bit like tarty blondes, they don't have a respectable place in society, but everyone loves them. What gives? This gross travesty of culinary snob-foolery must be remedied at once! And it is in the spirit of correcting this spurious injustice, that I dedicate, most humbly, this: Ode To Kebab.
Greasy, and dirty, and the object of scorn
But late at night, and in the rising morn
They scoff me down, when all else is closed
But in the daylight hours, they turn their nose
But what could be more delicious, than I?
I can make them grunt, I can make them sigh
Upon freshly baked bread, I take my base
And with so much filling, to garnish your face
Garlic so dreamy, but of such willing spike
Saucy Chili throughout, Oh what's not to like?
The Hommous, so creamy, It's Lebanese Mayo
The delight in your memory, so long it will Stay-O
If authentic you be, you'll skip on the cheese
Cause if it's got that in it, then it's aint Lebanese
The trick, if you're wise, is to fashion a ballad
Of Tomato and Lettuce, of Onion and Salad
Fill me up, with so much of this
And when you bite into me, it will feel like a kiss
The bite of the freshness, is what the heaviness yearns
It is upon this question, that a great kebab turns
On ample salad and sauce, your meat shall dance
And you'll have a much better time, at fitting your pants
The rich, wondrous meat, can then sing its song
Even if you're hungover as hell, or have emerged from a bong
And when they toast me, have them toast me well
Have them toast me and toast me, as though I'm hell
I need the burn from some toasting, to give me some crunch
Floppy bread with soggy insides, is not much of a munch
Food should have spunk, food should have soul
Food should leave you feeling blissfully whole
Respect me, please, I am ever so worthy!
- Even if I make you just, a tad bit curvy
Protein, Good fats and Low G.I carbo
For everyone from Pete, to Greta Garbo
Relish me, Treasure me, Gobble me now
I'm perfect, I'm exotic, I may contain cow!
Shame on you all, for making a guilty pleasure of me
I dance over maccas, I beat out oporto, I kill KFC!
If you ponder me long, if you ponder me true
You'll see I'm all it takes, to truly please you
Look deep in your bellies, and find time for Kebabs
I'm real, unlike a whopper, I'm not made in labs
And those of you, who prefer your food from a Hat
You really need to get over that
Poached Fish with Saffron? Truffle with Duck?
Oh, you really are a snobby F___
I am organising a night out to the terminal just for some kebabing, no tickets or passports required. If you're heading off somewhere, trust me! TRY this. I was standing in line waiting for one and didn't want to be silly by gushing to the guy I was ordering off, but once i'd placed my order this old lady leaned in and said 'that was delicious'. Can you imagine how good a kebab has to be in a food court to get someone to go back and comment? Pretty bloody good is the answer to that, for you dull Dora's.
Sahara is somewhere in the International Terminal of Sydney Airport, just beyond the check in gates and before you get to customs, it's sort of opposite a news agent. The next time you are flying, lower your tray tables and lift off into one of these, the chicken is the one I usually get, but the lamb is delicious as well. The owners are lovely people, too.
Consuming a Sahara Kebab before you fly is a wise life strategy, because if the plane goes down, you at least know you went out happy. What more can we take from this life but the memory of a few, solid meals? x.